I love the idea of being well-read, although I do not consider myself “there yet.” So, I do not know a great deal about the writer Anais Nin. I came across a quote of hers that speaks to me today and I must share:”And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Part of my over-intense, highly idealistic personality is making the most of everything moment, resource, every breath. Lately, I have struggled with the conflict between who I am and what I am not; all the small things that drain my energy, my spirit, and my time. I have looked around me and seen how much I judge my value by the actions, choices, or even judgments, of other people (e.g. if I cannot affect change for a loved one, I have failed; and, while I am busy failing, I let go of goals or aspects of myself that would be treasured components of “me” if I let them).
So again, I am at a crossroads. I have so much I want to wash away so I have the room to feel and be and experience the life I hunger for. And, I cannot afford to allow fear of failure or the unknown to cloud my perception of who I am. I can no longer afford not to take this risk! I am taking on fitness, health, love, relaxation, proper sleep habits, and exploring some things I have always wanted to learn. I am going to take some time and have some fun. Let the games begin.
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Tim. 1:6–7.)